My first "meal" since April!

It feels like a long time since I started this diet, but it's really a little bit less than 6 months. Now, the end is within sight- maybe a couple more months? The end of liquid only was yesterday. I went to talk to the medical staff and they cleared me to move to a modified meal plan. You see, as I've gotten closer to my goal weight my hunger has been increasing. It used to be that I would drink a shake and wouldn't feel any hunger for a few hours. Now, sometimes the shakes don't take away the hunger at all. This isn't quite hunger like I had before where you wouldn't want to be standing between me and a piece of pizza, but it is unusual for the Optifast diet.

So, I spoke to my medical staff and they suggested adding an actual meal to the shakes. It's not In N Out, but I can now eat 3 oz of lean meat, a half cup of vegetables and 2 1/2 cups of salad in addition to my 5 shakes- this would bring my calorie count up to a whooping 980 calories a day (or the amount of my old taco bell "snacks"! Unfortunately, there will be no more runs to the border for that magical five dollar box. Maybe I can run to Sprouts? Lol.)

I ended up eating what you can kind of see on the saucer above. It's 2.5 ounces of chicken breast, a half cup of mixed frozen veggies and two cups of salad mix (no dressing.) It tasted pretty good, though it's a fraction of what I'd eaten before. Hopefully this won't take the diet too far off track. At 212 pounds, I still have maybe 12 to 22 pounds to lose depending on what my goal weight should be.

It's tough to figure what my end weight should be. My goal weight was 190, but 200 may be a better weight for me. We'll see. A few people, including the wife, are already saying that I'm looking a little bit too thin. Given the alternative, I'd say that's a nice problem to have!

As you can see from the picture below, my wife still thinks that I'm the King! Of course, the Queen is the one that's really in charge...

Will Bike for Food!!

That's me at the Los Angeles- CycLaVia bike event a couple weekends ago. They shut down eleven miles of streets in LA for bicyclists. My buddy Louie and I spent about four hours biking up and down these streets. I felt pretty good throughout the race, tired but happy.

My weight loss slowed down a bit this past week. I only lost a half pound. Ironically this is approximately the weight of my favorite hamburger at Canada Steak Burger. I think it's going to go a little bit slower from now on as I get closer to my goal weight of 190.

Ironically, some people are starting to say that I'm looking "too skinny!" Really, the only place where I feel too skinny is in my biceps. I used to have 18 inch biceps that I developed in the gym. (One of my cornier jokes over the years was to say that I got bit by a mosquito and then, as my wife groaned, flex my arm. Yes, she's put up with much silliness!). Well, anyway, as I got older and further away from my marathon gym sessions, I still had the big arms, but never really realized that much of the muscle had become fat..so as I've lost the fat, I've also lost my "guns"!

I've also become obsessed with clothes in a way that I never was before. My wife says that I'm like one of the women in the commercials who is obsessed with the latest fashion, i.e. a "Fashionista!". I defend myself by pointing out that I've had to rebuy my entire wardrobe, underwear included. So, I'm constantly receiving packages in the mail- suits from ebay, boxer briefs from amazon, etc.. So, I think about clothes now- more than I should. And so....I find myself talking about clothes, sometimes to my buddies, a bunch of gruff guys that I used to drink beer with and who just stare at me...as I talk about belts matching shoes, the proper cuff length, the cut of my Oxxford suits.

Maybe 166 days on a diet has just driven me plum loco. To date, my only cheat has been the half piece of salmon below:



I had this piece of salmon instead of a shake when we went to Seattle.

Overall, I'm impressed with my willpower through this and I think to myself that I'm much closer to the end of the diet than I am to the beginning. This guy no longer looks back at me in the mirror.

Week 1- 5/8/14 334.5 16.5 318
Week 2- 5/15/14 318.0 6.9 311.1
Week 3- 5/22/14 311.0 5.1 306
Week 4- 5/29/14 306 6.0 300
Week 5- 6/5/14 300 4.5 295.5
Week 6- 6/12/14 295.5 3.0 292.5
Week 7- 6/19/14 292.5 8.5 283
Week 8- 6/26/14 283 4.5 278.5
Week 9- 7/3/14 278.5 5.0 273.5
Week 10- 7/10/14 273.5 1.5 272
Week 11- 7/17/14 272 8.0 264
Week 12- 7/24/14 264 3.5 260.5
Week 13- 7/31/14 260.5 6.0 254.5
Week 14- 8/7/14 254.5 3.5 251.0
Week 15- 8/14/14 251 5.0 246
Week 16- 8/21/14 246 3.5 241.5
Week 17- 8/27/14 241.5 4.5 237
Week 18- 9/4/14 237.0 3.0 234
Week 19- 9/11/14 234 2.0 232
Week 20- 9/17/14 232 7.0 225
Week 21- 9/24/14 225 2.0 223
Week 22- 9/30/14 223 3.5 219.5
Week 23- 10/7/14 219.5 0.5 219

A half pound lost!

Twenty weeks and counting..I'll toast to that! (with Optifast..)

Being on a diet doesn't mean you can't party a little. The guy with the beard is Edward James Olmos from Miami Vice, American Me fame- one of the more respected actors in the Latino community. (No wonder he looks a little nervous in the midst of all these lawyers!) This was at the La Raza Lawyers annual scholarship dinner. There was great food and drink to be had...and Optifast for me. You'd think by now that I would have gotten over all temptation, but the steak on my plate looked so good that I almost threw it at my friend Andy to get it away from me! Yes, temptation will always remain, I think. But is food something that has been an addiction to me? We're looking at this issue in my new Optifast class. (For the record, I tend to look at it as more of a bad habit with serious health effect. Doritos are good, but I don't know if my urge for them was of the "crack addict" variety.)

Last Tuesday was a new chapter in my weight loss journey with Optifast. I transferred from my original moderator (the wonderful Ann Tenover) to begin a class called Solutions-Food Addictions. It was a pretty different experience and definitely took me out of my comfort zone. With Ann, I was used to a more "touchy, feely" approach- kind of conversation among friends with plenty of support and laughter. So, why change? Well, after 18 weeks, she started a new group to go over the same syllabus with only a couple of us remaining from the original group, so I thought it was time to learn something new and different.

My new teacher is definitely different- much more sarcastic and confrontational than Anne- though he also shows a deft touch with the group in knowing when to ease off. He came from a work history that included working in the prison with addicts, having been a engineer and many academic degrees. The class, which he created for Optifast, examines over eating as an addiction- i.e. an unhealthy behavior in excess which attempts to fill one of our basic needs. He cites our basic need as feeling safe and loved. I think I'm probably going to like him, but he's definitely much more directly challenging than Ann was. He's an aggressive presence. I felt almost as if I were back at U.C. Berkeley, as he talked about different research studies, hormones in the body and constantly quizzed us.

My lawyer mind kept jumping to counterarguments for much of what he said, but I mostly held my tongue, thinking that there was a lot that I could learn from this PhD in nutrition. But when he went on attack against the destructive property of artificial sweeteners, I almost burst out and said "Heavens, man. Don't take away my diet Coke!" Yes, apparently there is some research backing up the idea that artificial sweeteners actually cause us to eat more. They definitely cause white mice to eat more... I'm skeptical, but will read the research with an open mind.

The moderator's most interesting idea was the rejection of categorizing ourselves as addicts for life. His position is that once you deal with the underlying causes of your addiction, you really aren't an addict anymore. He wants us to leave the class with a beginning understanding of what we need and an idea of how to meet these needs in a healthy way. I'm looking forward to learning a great deal from him.

Week 1- 5/8/14 334.5 16.5 318
Week 2- 5/15/14 318.0 6.9 311.1
Week 3- 5/22/14 311.0 5.1 306
Week 4- 5/29/14 306 6.0 300
Week 5- 6/5/14 300 4.5 295.5
Week 6- 6/12/14 295.5 3.0 292.5
Week 7- 6/19/14 292.5 8.5 283
Week 8- 6/26/14 283 4.5 278.5
Week 9- 7/3/14 278.5 5.0 273.5
Week 10- 7/10/14 273.5 1.5 272
Week 11- 7/17/14 272 8.0 264
Week 12- 7/24/14 264 3.5 260.5
Week 13- 7/31/14 260.5 6.0 254.5
Week 14- 8/7/14 254.5 3.5 251.0
Week 15- 8/14/14 251 5.0 246
Week 16- 8/21/14 246 3.5 241.5
Week 17- 8/27/14 241.5 4.5 237
Week 18- 9/4/14 237.0 3.0 234
Week 19- 9/11/14 234 2.0 232
Week 20- 9/17/14 232 7.0 225
Week 21- 9/24/14 225 2.0 223
Week 22- 9/30/14 223 3.5 219.5

Three and half pounds lost!

Before and After?

Is this a before and after picture? I can definitely see some similarities in the before.. I am probably a couple months away from transitioning off the Optifast diet back into regular food. It's up to the staff of Kaiser, but I expect that my transition diet will start in once I lose 23 more pounds and am ten pounds away from my goal weight of 190.

It's been quite a journey. You can see to the right, the picture of me when I started this program. I'd been overweight for over a decade, maybe closer to 15 years. And, to be honest, I'd started to give up faith in my ability to lose the weight on my own. Einstein reportedly said that the definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over again, while expecting different results. If so, then I'd been plum loco for quite a while- never really trying an organized weight loss program outside of just personal training. I'd never really tried to tackle the problem of "too many burritos," as my doctor put it!

What really inspired me was the success of two of my closest friends who had tackled their life long obesity problems with surgery. Seeing them slim really made me think seriously about surgery. If they had done it, what was to stop me? I was still highly resistant to the idea (and, honestly, quite scared of going under the knife), but finally I broached the subject with my doctor. Instead of surgery, she sent me to Optifast: a very low calorie weight loss program. (see previous entries for details on Optifast). As I researched the Optifast program, I found an academic study on it that was very convincing- an average weight loss of 58 pounds in 20 weeks for those that stuck with the program. So, I told myself that I'd trust someone else's judgment over mine for once. I'm really glad that I did.

It will be a little while before I look like the guy in this picture again. (Though I think my wife would kill me if I returned to that hairstyle, lol.) But, I'll get there and hopefully do even better. Forty something is the new twenty, right? I hope so!

Week 1- 5/8/14 334.5 16.5 318
Week 2- 5/15/14 318.0 6.9 311.1
Week 3- 5/22/14 311.0 5.1 306
Week 4- 5/29/14 306 6.0 300
Week 5- 6/5/14 300 4.5 295.5
Week 6- 6/12/14 295.5 3.0 292.5
Week 7- 6/19/14 292.5 8.5 283
Week 8- 6/26/14 283 4.5 278.5
Week 9- 7/3/14 278.5 5.0 273.5
Week 10- 7/10/14 273.5 1.5 272
Week 11- 7/17/14 272 8.0 264
Week 12- 7/24/14 264 3.5 260.5
Week 13- 7/31/14 260.5 6.0 254.5
Week 14- 8/7/14 254.5 3.5 251.0
Week 15- 8/14/14 251 5.0 246
Week 16- 8/21/14 246 3.5 241.5
Week 17- 8/27/14 241.5 4.5 237
Week 18- 9/4/14 237.0 3.0 234
Week 19- 9/11/14 234 2.0 232
Week 20- 9/17/14 232 7.0 225
Week 21- 9/24/14 225 2.0 223

111.5 pounds lost!

100 Pounds and Counting!!

Ladies and Gents,

I'm happy to announce that as of last Thursday, I finally crossed the 100 pounds barrier! I have now lost 100.5 pounds since the beginning of May. My father put it best when he told me to be proud because not many people can lose 100 pounds, but then he paused and said "well..not too many people need to lose 100 pounds to begin with!" That's definitely true, lol. Since leaving law school, I've had my share of excesses. I'm just thankful that I've been able to start reversing course.




So how did I celebrate the loss? Well...I did take place in the ice bucket challenge. I'd appreciate anyone sharing this youtube video with their friends.

Click here to see an attorney get doused.

Something that I've found to be important in my own happiness is making an effort to help other people. I discovered this about myself in college. During the saddest period of my life, I started to work at the financial aid department and found that focusing on helping other people with their problems really gave me perspective on my own. I think it's something that's universal. Give a little bit of yourself to a charity and you may find that you spend the rest of the day with a smile on your face.

Week 1- 5/8/14 334.5 16.5 318
Week 2- 5/15/14 318.0 6.9 311.1
Week 3- 5/22/14 311.0 5.1 306
Week 4- 5/29/14 306 6.0 300
Week 5- 6/5/14 300 4.5 295.5
Week 6- 6/12/14 295.5 3.0 292.5
Week 7- 6/19/14 292.5 8.5 283
Week 8- 6/26/14 283 4.5 278.5
Week 9- 7/3/14 278.5 5.0 273.5
Week 10- 7/10/14 273.5 1.5 272
Week 11- 7/17/14 272 8.0 264
Week 12- 7/24/14 264 3.5 260.5
Week 13- 7/31/14 260.5 6.0 254.5
Week 14- 8/7/14 254.5 3.5 251.0
Week 15- 8/14/14 251 5.0 246
Week 16- 8/21/14 246 3.5 241.5
Week 17- 8/27/14 241.5 4.5 237

No longer obese...just overweight!

You've probably heard someone say that a person is not fat, just big boned. The Optifast equivalent saying would be saying that someone is not obese, just overweight! Let me explain. There is something called the Body Mass Index (BMI), which attempts to define levels of fatness. I started at the very top, being morbidly obese. Morbid because I was on my way to dying early? Maybe. Let's just say that it didn't fill me with hope when I got this diagnosis. Anyway, after being moribidly obese, there are those of us that are "only" obese, which I was for the majority of this diet. Then last Thursday, my BMI dropped to 29.62, which qualifies me as being only overweight. So am I still fat? Yep. But not obese! (My doctor said so...)

Of course, there are still pounds left to go in this diet. 47 pounds to be exact. It's daunting, but I am inspired by the fact when Matthew McConaughey lost this exact amount, he won an Oscar. When I look in the mirror, I still don't see the college version of myself, but I am getting closer. If I squint just right, I can see a version of the old me...

One of the best things about this diet is that it's shown me how many kind people that I have around me. People are constantly coming up to me and complimenting me on my weight loss. When I attended my niece's wedding, I felt almost like I was part of the wedding. So many people came up to me and complimented me on my weight loss that I must have had a stupid grin on my face for the whole night.

The other day, a normally stone faced baliff stopped me on my way out of court and said to me, in full Clint Eastwood voice, "If you lose any more weight, I won't recognize you anymore...punk." (Ok, he didn't say "Punk")

In other news, I've found that my strength level has waned somewhat with the weight loss. You might say that I still look pretty strong at 6'3" and 237 pounds, but if you saw me in the gym with the tiny pink dumbbells, you might think again! Occasionally, when I'm lifting with a friend, I do tackle the heavier weights, but it kills me for the rest of the day. It's just basic calories as fuel logic- since I have my body at a huge calorie deficit, my "feats of strength" have to fit into a limited fuel tank.

No, I'm not as strong as I was a few months ago, but this will come in time, I'm sure. I'm at work building my garage gym- I bought an Ironmaster self spotting rack, about 480 pounds of weights, an adjustable bench and a couple barbells. It doesn't look like much yet, but the goal is to have a pretty well outfitted garage gym by November, so I can build some muscle when I get back to real food.


Week 1- 5/8/14 334.5 16.5 318
Week 2- 5/15/14 318.0 6.9 311.1
Week 3- 5/22/14 311.0 5.1 306
Week 4- 5/29/14 306 6.0 300
Week 5- 6/5/14 300 4.5 295.5
Week 6- 6/12/14 295.5 3.0 292.5
Week 7- 6/19/14 292.5 8.5 283
Week 8- 6/26/14 283 4.5 278.5
Week 9- 7/3/14 278.5 5.0 273.5
Week 10- 7/10/14 273.5 1.5 272
Week 11- 7/17/14 272 8.0 264
Week 12- 7/24/14 264 3.5 260.5
Week 13- 7/31/14 260.5 6.0 254.5
Week 14- 8/7/14 254.5 3.5 251.0
Week 15- 8/14/14 251 5.0 246
Week 16- 8/21/14 246 3.5 241.5
Week 17- 8/27/14 241.5 4.5 237

97.5 Pounds lost!

100 Days Without Food! The first 100 days on Optifast

Does being without food for a hundred days bring out the monster in me? Not yet, but we'll see.. As of today, it's been one hundred days since I've eaten anything but Optifast shakes or broth. I could not have even imagined 100 days without carne asada tacos, steaks, hamburgers, pizza, cake or even salad. So how has it been? ABSOLUTE HELL!!! Just kidding.. After the first couple days, it's been pretty manageable. I was hungry the first day, got awful runner's cramps on the 2nd day and since then haven't had to deal with hunger very much at all. When I do get hungry, a shake takes the hunger away. (Insane cravings for gas station pizza are another matter...)

One thing that really helped me get through this diet was the broth. The shakes aren't the greatest, but they sell you packets of chicken broth at Optifast that I would have nightly with hot sauce and lemon. Strange as it may sound, this was often the highlight of my day. As the diet went on, I discovered that I could get broth at restaurants, so that my wife and I started going out to eat for lunch. I started at our favorite Vietnamese restaurants (each a couple blocks from each other). I would order the Pho without noodles, beef or onions- just the broth, please!- and I would add lemon, hot sauce and crushed basil. I wouldn't eat the basil, but it gave it a nice taste. Recently, I began to order chicken broth at a couple Mexican restaurants and seafood broth. At this point, I know it sounds strange, but in the absence of regular food, I've come to really appreciate how delicious broth can be. My wife makes fun of me because before I would never really season anything (but would just eat the "good stuff" out of the soups), but now I put a lot of effort into getting the taste right on my nearly daily broth.

This Saturday, I also went to my 25th high school reunion. It was a good time. Interestingly, more people recognized me than did at my 20th high school reunion. This probably because I'm starting to look a little bit more like the skinny guy I was in high school than the three hundred pound plus lawyer that I've been.

Anyway, it was fun. A lot of joking around, some remembering and I got to at least smell some good BBQ! A friend of mine said, jokingly, that I'd ruined the reunion for him because I was so skinny and it made him feel guilty about eating the hamburgers! He did get over this guilt, somehow, and chow down some burgers, though.

The most negative aspect of the diet after 100 days would probably be the loss of muscle strength and definition in my arms. I've gone from Popeye (in my mind) to Olive Oil..but I know that this is something that I can remedy fairly quickly after I transition back to food. I've already begun looking to rebuild my home gym. In the interim, I've moved up from the 400 calories Optifast 70 to the 800 calories Optifast 800- this, I'm told, will allow me to maintain more of my muscle mass along with my weight workout at the Y. We'll see. First, let's finish this weight loss. 61 pounds to go!

Week 1- 5/8/14 334.5 16.5 318
Week 2- 5/15/14 318.0 6.9 311.1
Week 3- 5/22/14 311.0 5.1 306
Week 4- 5/29/14 306 6.0 300
Week 5- 6/5/14 300 4.5 295.5
Week 6- 6/12/14 295.5 3.0 292.5
Week 7- 6/19/14 292.5 8.5 283
Week 8- 6/26/14 283 4.5 278.5
Week 9- 7/3/14 278.5 5.0 273.5
Week 10- 7/10/14 273.5 1.5 272
Week 11- 7/17/14 272 8.0 264
Week 12- 7/24/14 264 3.5 260.5
Week 13- 7/31/14 260.5 6.0 254.5
Week 14- 8/7/14 254.5 3.5 251.0

Eight Three and a half Pounds lost!

Celebrating my wife's bday, while losing weight!

I'm writing this blog entry mostly while on the Queen Mary. It's a ship bigger than the Titanic that is rumored to be haunted, though the scariest thing I've seen here is a T-bone steak (more on that later). I spent the weekend here for my wife's birthday, which was a lot of fun, but not without its challenges as far as my diet goes.

The two big temptations at celebrations for fat men like me are plentiful food and alcohol. Now, I've never been much for alcohol, outside of the occasional mixed drink, but it is still strange to toast using an Optifast shake. (At a previous b-day party, I had fun toasting with shots of water!) And, after twelve weeks of this diet, I've gotten used to people eating around me. What I wasn't quite prepared for was sitting at a table, where I was surrounded by people eating juicy t-bone steaks. Maria's salads don't tempt me much, but the steaks... Lord have mercy, lol. Sometimes it's very clear to me just how I gained this much weight!

Speaking of weight, I initially thought that I'd be headed for a big weight loss this week because the gym scale showed me at about an 8 pound drop on Monday. It turns out that I only lost 3.5 pounds. Disappointing in a sense, but as long as the weight loss is dropping, life is going well. I've recently "rediscovered" my waist- before I would always wear my pants below the bulge of the belly, but now that my waist has reemerged with the weight loss, I can wear my pants where they are supposed to sit. Of course, this means another trip to the tailor...

I am almost ready to use my 46 long suits, I think just a few more weeks- the blazers fit tightly now, so perhaps as a goal, by my niece's wedding next month, I should be wearing a 46 long. My old hugo boss suit (from law school) and a few ebay suits that I bought are just waiting for me on the clothes rack and I'm eager to move on from my heavily tailored 50 long suits. Today, I wore a pair of pants that were so loose in the legs that I felt like an attorney version of MC Hammer!

I'm not sure what my final suit size will be. A lot depends on how much volume I re-add to my frame when I start weight lifting. I've been on the hunt for a good weight bench and a set of dumbells. I'm also debating whether to hire a personal trainer. My last trainer was excellent, but because of time commitment I was constantly having to cancel our appointments. Still time to think about it, though. Seventy more pounds to go... Piece of cake, right? (or maybe Not a piece of cake..)


Week 1- 5/8/14 334.5 16.5 318
Week 2- 5/15/14 318.0 6.9 311.1
Week 3- 5/22/14 311.0 5.1 306
Week 4- 5/29/14 306 6.0 300
Week 5- 6/5/14 300 4.5 295.5
Week 6- 6/12/14 295.5 3.0 292.5
Week 7- 6/19/14 292.5 8.5 283
Week 8- 6/26/14 283 4.5 278.5
Week 9- 7/3/14 278.5 5.0 273.5
Week 10- 7/10/14 273.5 1.5 272
Week 11- 7/17/14 272 8.0 264
Week 12- 7/24/14 264 3.5 260.5

74 pounds lost.

Seventy Pounds and Counting!

That's me in my wedding tuxedo! I'm planning to use it for my niece's wedding in late August- I know that you're only supposed to use a tux if you're the groom or in the wedding party, but since this may be the last time that a 48 long tuxedo fits me...(I write this with fingers crossed!)

Anyway, this was a very good week! The tally is another eight pounds lost with seventy and a half total pounds lost. And I made it below the second one of my "benchmark" weights (300, 265, 235, 215 and 200 pounds are my significant benchmarks) A long time ago, my brothers pressured me to lose step on a scale because they were concerned about my weight gain post college. I'm actually fairly tough to pressure into anything (unless you're a pretty Latina that married me about a decade ago...), but I reluctantly stepped on the scale, slightly curious. Would I weigh 240 now, 250? I was shocked to see that I was 265! I think I spent the next week at the gym...

God, if I only knew I would weigh above 350 someday. Anyway, now in an ironic turn, I'm thrilled to be weighing "only" 264!

I do realize that I still have another seventy pounds to lose, but it feels great to be halfway there. And, thanks to my height, I don't look seventy pounds over weight. (Maybe 60 pounds overweight? lol) My clothes have all been to the tailor once or twice and I'm not too far away from fitting into my stock of 46 longs. In fact, I'm already thinking less about weight loss and more about the rebuilding of my muscles and the future eating plan that I'll need to keep the weight off.

In other news, my class on meditation was nothing short of amazing. I went in, armed with jokes about Kung Fu Panda and hippies. I left with all my preconceptions shattered. I felt so great after the class- relaxed, energetic and...kind of at peace. The last exercise they had us do was called a "body check" and it was a guided meditation where we focused on different parts of our body. Just fantastic. (as an aside, I felt my ribs after the exercise and was surprised that I could feel my rib cage! Guess I'd been to heavy to feel them before..)

It was an interesting mix of people- there was a type A businessman, a doctor in residency, meditation teachers looking to brush up their skills and some people who were open about huge problems in their life that they were hoping meditation would cure. There was a lady getting over the death of her daughter, another woman there on her birthday and a mother whose out of state son had sent her to the place that he researched as the best to help her deal with her stress!

I had a feeling that I was in the right place, though meditation doesn't come easy to me. My mind has always been restless and it's hard to focus the myriad thoughts running through my head to focus on just my breathing, for instance. But I think it's worth pursuing the discipline in meditation. It may help make this weight loss permanent.

Week 1- 5/8/14 334.5 16.5 318
Week 2- 5/15/14 318.0 6.9 311.1
Week 3- 5/22/14 311.0 5.1 306
Week 4- 5/29/14 306 6.0 300
Week 5- 6/5/14 300 4.5 295.5
Week 6- 6/12/14 295.5 3.0 292.5
Week 7- 6/19/14 292.5 8.5 283
Week 8- 6/26/14 283 4.5 278.5
Week 9- 7/3/14 278.5 5.0 273.5
Week 10-7/10/14 273.5 1.5 272
Week 11-7/17/14 272 8.0 264

One and a half steps forward?

Cue the disaster music! After consistently losing about four to five pounds a week, I stepped on the scale last Thursday and it barely moved. Only a pound and a half lost.. Unexpected, but really I should have seen it coming. Everyone else in my weight loss group has had weeks like this. This was just my turn.

I'm taking a philosophical approach to this- I can't control my results, but I can control my actions and I followed the diet without cheating for a 10th week. Seventy days without tasting juicy hamburgers with bacon, Kung Pao Chicken at my uncle's place, Fillipis' pizza, or the ice cream cake I bought my assistant for his B-day (pictured here). (Can you tell that I still think about food? lol) And I'm still losing the pounds, so I can afford to be patient. As my wife tells me, I didn't become fat overnight...though sometimes it feels like it. I look in the mirror and if I squint just right, I look almost like the 215 pound Berkeley student who boxed "just for fun." If I look further, then I see the jowl and the belly of an attorney with a few too many trips to the all you can eat area. This was "Just for fun," also, I guess, but I'm very glad I don't box anymore...I'd be an awfully big target!

Perhaps my new class in meditation will help me with all this as well. I start on Tuesday night over at UCSD. I must confess, though, that I have my reservations about trying this. I'm always criticizing my parents for jumping on every health food fad (Alkaline water, for instance). I laugh at my brother in law's medicinal ideas (he poured Gatorade on me when his dog bit me to speed the healing!). But now it's me that's going to be me sitting cross legged on a mat, maybe chanting a mantra? Has this UC Berkeley grad finally gotten in touch with his inner hippie? All I know is...studies do consistently show that meditation helps with stress, concentration and memory and I do need to deal with the stress level in my life...

So, I'll buy my yoga mat, light my incense candles (if required) and will try to keep an open mind for once. Kung Fu Panda coming to you soon...

Week 1- 5/8/14 334.5 16.5 318
Week 2- 5/15/14 318.0 6.9 311.1
Week 3- 5/22/14 311.0 5.1 306
Week 4- 5/29/14 306 6.0 300
Week 5- 6/5/14 300 4.5 295.5
Week 6- 6/12/14 295.5 3.0 292.5
Week 7- 6/19/14 292.5 8.5 283
Week 8- 6/26/14 283 4.5 278.5
Week 9- 7/3/14 278.5 5.0 273.5
Week 10- 7/10/14 272 1.5 272

This diet is driving me to drink!

Just kidding. No booze for me while in Mexico wine country. To paraphrase a friend, I get high off of Optifast!

So,it's been nine weeks and sixty pounds since I started the Optifast diet. Nine weeks is significant for me. As a younger man, I used to think that I could always get back into top shape after a lull with a good nine weeks back at the gym. Looking in the mirror, I think it's going to take a wee bit longer this time around, but at least my shape is slightly less round nowadays!

This Sunday took the bike out of the garage for the first time before the diet. After a half hour of looking for my helmet, I was late in meeting my buddy for the ride, so I picked up a helmet at the bike shop. An hour later, my buddy and I were back at that same bike shop because I broke the valve on my tire while pumping air into it. Fifteen minutes later, we were back again because I picked up the wrong type of inner tube..

Eventually though, my friend Louie and I managed a forty minute bike ride. Riding the bike felt better than it had in a long time. I was faster than I can remember being. In fact, on the way back, I looked behind me and realized that I'd left my friend far behind. Bikers often buy lighter carbon frames for their bikes in order to improve speed. I suppose that reducing my own frame by some sixty pounds does make a difference! Endurance-wise, I think I'm definitely going to need more calories if I want to bike ride much longer- maybe an extra shake.

I'm surprised that I've been basically perfect on the diet so far- no solid food in over sixty days! I think it's getting easier to resist eating, but at the same time I know that a slip up could happen at any time. When my wife and her friend were eating pizza at the winery this weekend, it was very tempting to reach over and grab a piece. I just tell myself that I'm close to a third of the way back to my college weight and... try not to stare too much at other people's food.

I sometimes wonder what a difference this weight loss will have in my professional life. Make no mistake, I'm losing the weight primarily for my health. I think I was headed to a heart attack and now I'm healthier than I've been in a long time. Blood pressure is perfect, blood sugar is very low without medication, and my sleep apnea may be gone. Still, people often tell me that losing weight would help me when it comes to getting clients because, I guess, people would prefer a skinny attorney. I hired a business coach for a few months and he also stressed the value of appearance and image.

I guess if you see me driving a BMW a year from now, then people were right about all this. (or, alternatively, if you see my wife driving a Land Rover!) But, on the other hand, I think I'd perfectly happy if you saw a skinny version of me driving the same beat up pickup.

Really, I'd just like to be fit and trim again. My goals for this year are to finish the Rosarito Ensenada bike race (50 miles)in September and to be able to run a 5k in November. I'm also looking forward to doing some serious weight lifting in November when I'm back to eating some solid food.

Week 1- 5/8/14 334.5 16.5 318
Week 2- 5/15/14 318.0 6.9 311.1
Week 3- 5/22/14 311.0 5.1 306
Week 4- 5/29/14 306 6.0 300
Week 5- 6/5/14 300 4.5 295.5
Week 6- 6/12/14 295.5 3.0 292.5
Week 7- 6/19/14 292.5 8.5 283
Week 8- 6/26/14 283 4.5 278.5
Week 9- 7/3/14 278.5 5.0 273.5

Sixty one pounds lost!

Never trust a man sitting on a bouncy ball

So, here's the scene. At my Optifast center last night, I go into the nurses' office to get an update on the change in my diet (since I'm working out with weights, I get an extra shake packet to take after my workouts). Instead of the distinguished, almost stern nurse that was there last week, this nurse is sitting on a blue rubber ball and, I swear, kind of bouncing on the ball as I talk to her.

It turns out that sitting on a ball is good for your overall fitness level and stress. See here.

"But what happens if I fall off the ball?" I ask. She just smiles. I'm being silly. Maybe you just get back on the ball and act as if nothing happened. I can just picture what would happen if we had these rubber balls in court...

I may be wrong here, but it was hard to take seriously what she told me about changing my program from Optifast 70 to the twice the calories Optifast 800. I kept wondering who would conduct a medical interview while sitting on a blue rubber ball. Probably some one much healthier than me.

In other news, I've become my tailor's new best friend because I'm constantly taking clothes to him. I started this diet at size 54 long, 46 waist, size 19 neck- now I'm down to a 50 long jacket, 40 waist and a very loose 18 neck. Losing fifty plus pounds really plays havoc with your clothes. Nothing I buy fits me for very long. But, as my father would say, that's a very good problem to have!

I still don't quite fit into my wedding tux, but all in time...

A total of 55 pounds lost.

Week 1- 5/8/14 334.5 16.5 318
Week 2- 5/15/14 318.0 6.9 311.1
Week 3- 5/22/14 311.0 5.1 306
Week 4- 5/29/14 306 6.0 300
Week 5- 6/5/14 300 4.5 295.5
Week 6- 6/12/14 295.5 3.0 292.5
Week 7- 6/19/14 292.5 8.5 283
Week 8- 6/26/14 283 4.5 278.5

Over fifty pounds lost!

It's been a life changing seven weeks. Yes, I'm still heavy- some 90 pounds to be lost to get to my goal weight, 60 pounds to get to my law school weight and maybe twenty pounds to get to my married weight- but I've erased some eight years of weight gain in less than two months!

So how do I feel? Like grabbing a double cheese burger and celebrating! Sorry... old habits die hard, I guess. Overall, it's gratifying to receive compliments on pretty much a daily basis and I'm thrilled with the weight loss so far. Still, I feel impatient to reach the weight where I can, say, go to the beach without feeling self conscious..without fearing that someone will try to throw this whale back in the water! I think I'm maybe another fifty pounds away from that.

My Optifast weight loss group has gotten smaller. On Thursday, there were only six of us. It's small enough that maybe I'll take the liberty to describe the people remaining in the next few posts. There is an IT guy, I'll call him Jake. He's twenty pounds away from reaching his goal weight and has an attitude that I appreciate towards food encounters. He deliberately puts himself in situations where he's around food, to improve his willpower at resisting junk food. I don't go this far, but I don't avoid parties where there will be food. Last night, I went to a birthday party with plates of chili nachos. It's getting easier to resist.

In group we talked about our families and the ties that they may have on our weight gain. For many people, being obese starts in habits that they develop as children. For me, I can't really blame my parents for any part of this. I was among the luckiest of children- born into a loving and supportive family. The weight gain that I later had in my thirties was completely my fault- my family consistently talked to me about my weight gain and offered advice. I remember being cajoled on to a scale when I weighted 265. For a while, my brother Carlos would even pick me up to take me to the gym.

So why did I gain weight? Stress of being a lawyer? Metabolic changes as a result of my cancer? Married life? I'm leaning towards seeing my eating as a way to cope with stress. Next step, I'm looking into doing some stress reduction via meditation. So, if you see a Kung Fu Panda of a guy stretching out on a yoga mat...

Eight and a half pounds lost this week.

Week 1- 5/8/14 334.5 16.5 318
Week 2- 5/15/14 318.0 6.9 311.1
Week 3- 5/22/14 311.0 5.1 306
Week 4- 5/29/14 306 6.0 300
Week 5- 6/5/14 300 4.5 295.5
Week 6- 6/12/14 295.5 3.0 292.5
Week 7- 6/19/14 292.5 8.5 283

Hey, this seat belt actually closes!

Ray Estolano 1. Seat belt 0! Maybe I should explain... One of the biggest uncomfortable places for fat men like me is the airport. It starts with being forced to partially undress at security, then stand with your hands over your head in a machine where a TSA agent sees a naked scan of your body in all of its fullness and glory. Then when you make it to the plane, you'd better check in early or you're forced to cram into a too tiny seat in between two other guys that may be your same size (or larger?). Then comes the seat belt. Try as you might, you find that the seat belt doesn't quite stretch all the way around you...time to ask for a seat belt extender?

Well..not today! For once, I fit comfortably into both the seat and the seat belt!

The flight took me to a family graduation- my wife's niece. It was a nice time. There was a ton of good food that I couldn't eat, but I was served constant compliments by my wife's family about my weight loss. "Where's Ray," joked a nephew standing next to me "I don't recognize him!" My niece (well, technically my wife's) was so impressed by the weight loss that she brought her roommates out to look at me. They weren't quite as impressed because..well..they'd never seen me before! They probably wondered just how fat this chubby guy in front of them had been. Trust me ladies, you don't want to know!

It was overall a good week on Optifast. Three more pounds lost, leaving me at 292.5, a little further south of the 300 pound line. My new suits at 50 long fit me now and I've dropped down to 40 on the pants. Bought a pair of jeans that are perfect, but for the plumber's view in the back. Think I'm going to wait a little longer for jeans...

Week 1- 5/8/14 334.5 16.5 318
Week 2- 5/15/14 318.0 6.9 311.1
Week 3- 5/22/14 311.0 5.1 306
Week 4- 5/29/14 306 6.0 300
Week 5- 6/5/14 300 4.5 295.5
Week 6- 6/12/14 295.5 3.0 292.5

total lost- 42 pounds

Going to pump you up!

My Optifast program cleared me to work out with weights, with the caution that it should be a light weight workout. So, I dug out my old weight lifting belt, put on the black t-shirt and told the wife, "It's time to pump some iron, woman." I'm not sure if the sound she made was a giggle...

Moments later at the gym, I looked at the bench press where I'd previously been able to lift a few hundred pounds. The theme from Rocky played in my imagination and I walked towards the bench. The bench was set up with only 135 pounds, which should be a piece of cake for someone that had previously lifted twice that weight. Still, perhaps I should start with a warm up- since it'd been a few months..years. I ended up deciding to use a light dumbbell to warm up my muscles. As it turns out, the dumbbell was me! I was completely exhausted after just a few sets.

I lay back in the bench and looked at my reflection in the mirror. One step at a time...

My results for this week:


Week 1- 5/8/14 334.5 16.5 318
Week 2- 5/15/14 318.0 6.9 311.1
Week 3- 5/22/14 311.0 5.1 306
Week 4- 5/29/14 306 6.0 300
Week 5- 6/5/14 300 4.5 295.5

Four and a half pounds lost- a total of 39 pounds lost in five weeks! I've officially moved down in suit size as well- the 54 long's have gone into storage.

The Big 3 0 0 !

Good news on the weight loss front. For the first time in years, I've come back down to 300 pounds. This is down from a high of 365 and a "normal" weight of about 330 this past decade. The weight loss is 6 pounds for the week. The program if anything is getting easier. I still get urges to gobble down say a hamburger, but I'm rarely very hungry. My energy level is relatively high. My blood pressure is 99/60- probably better than it's ever been.

Week 1- 5/8/14 334.5 16.5 318
Week 2- 5/15/14 318.0 6.9 311.1
Week 3- 5/22/14 311.0 5.1 306
Week 4- 5/29/14 306 6.0 300



I've taken to enjoying broth a great deal. Believe it or not, it's the highlight of the day for me. Some people look forward to carne asada fries, I've got broth. The man that used to gobble down endless carne asada tacos, now salivates over broth. Let me explain. There are these packets of chicken broth that they give us. I also got our favorite Vietnamese noodle place to serve me a small bowl of their broth (not technically allowed by Kaiser, but I figure it's probably only a few calories). Put the right combination of hot sauce and lemon in the broth and you have something wonderful. At least, relatively speaking...

We had a new teacher in my weight loss meeting. She made the point that our weight is tied to our self image. To an extent, this is true for me, but for the most part how I feel about myself has had little to do with my weight. I think maybe that's been part of the problem for me. I was never bullied or discriminated against because of my weight. I've been able to live a pretty happy life as a fat person these last ten years or so. It's had costs, of course. And it's long past time to become skinny again.

300 is the number. I finally hit 300. Now, it's time to hit 200. The journey of 10,000 steps..or 140 pounds lost..starts with a single step. Optifast has been a good step.

On the road to Hugo Boss

Let me take you back about a dozen years. I had graduated law school, passed the bar exam, beat cancer and had a job waiting for me as Deputy District attorney. Although I couldn't really afford it yet, I decided the time had come to buy myself a real suit. And the suit that I wanted was a Hugo Boss. I felt like a million dollars wearing the suit and decided to only use it on very special occasions. I wore it during my first ever jury trial. I celebrated my win with a good dinner out with my girlfriend (now wife). The next time I put on the suit, I noticed that it was a tight fit. Maybe I'd had too many good dinners... So, I switched to another suit, thinking that maybe I'd hit the gym to lose a few pounds. The suit has hung in my closet ever since. I take it out sometimes and look at it. Maybe by September, I'll wear it again.

This week's results:

Week 1- 5/8/14 334.5 16.5 318
Week 2- 5/15/14 318.0 6.9 311.1
Week 3- 5/22/14 311.0 5.1 306

We had a guided meditation in group where we were supposed to imagine our safe place. It turns out that my safe place is floating in the waves on my boogie board. I'm going to have to make it back to the beach sometime soon.

Missing you and wishing you were here...carne asada tacos!

In Court yesterday, I was talking to a client that was about to be released. He told me that he just couldn't wait to have carne asada tacos again. As he paused to think about this, I felt like I could picture those tacos also...

It was a tougher day yesterday. One of the hidden secrets about extreme weight loss that people don't often blog about is the bad breath that it causes- burning all that fat has some...shall we say...lethal side effects. So, yesterday I was chewing a whole bunch of gum to mask the dragon breath. By 5pm, the gum had my stomach hurting. As they warned in group, sorbitol in sugar free gum can upset an empty stomach. It felt like a big build up of gas. Since this is a family blog, I'll save the details of how this gas was later released... Let's just say that it scared the cats..

This morning at the gym's scale, I hit 303 pounds- this is probably 306 pounds on the scale at Optifast, so I'm on schedule to lose at least another five pounds this week. The task before me is still pretty monumental- 23 pounds lost as of last Thursday out of a 142 total to lose. I still have 119 pounds to go, which if you think about is a small human. It's at times like this that I wonder why I ate so many carne asada tacos. The simple answer is because I enjoyed it. Life has been a pleasurable if overdulgent journey these past ten years. It's just time for a healthier route now. From carne asada to pollo asado? From tacos made out of corn to tacos wrapped in lettuce? Lord, change is a coming!

chicken soup for the (skinny) soul

Chicken soup may be good for the soul as the popular book series holds, but Chicken stock is good for keeping this chubby guy on the straight and narrow in his Optifast diet! This Thursday I picked up the optifast chicken broth at my class. I'd been holding off on getting it, but I'm glad I did. At only 20 calories a packet it's a nice change of pace. The taste is good with a little bit of hot sauce. It reminds me of one of those vietnamese soups that I used to like in college- just without the noodles, meat, etc.. You get the picture.

Today was a tougher day than most. I went to visit a friend at prison and went about 5 hours between shakes. They allow you to buy food during the visits, so I got to watch him enjoy a chicken wrap and some watermelon. Actually not too hard an experience, but not pleasant. I managed to make it through without asking him too many times about how it tasted. Now if he'd been eating pizza, it might have been another story...

A friend asked me why I go to visit Eddie, even after his murder conviction given that I knew the person he killed. The reason is simple, he didn't stop being my friend when he made that horrible mistake. I usually do think about the person that he killed- Anna- while I'm with him. I remember how much my wife liked her and what a nice person she seemed to be. Hopefully she's in a better place now. My friend remains with the guilt and with a life sentence. Sadly, life goes on, just not like before. Still, it's nice to play dominos and laugh with an old friend. Every good moment is precious.

The scale is wrong

So, my numbers have to been slightly optimistic. It turns out that according to the only scale that matters, the honorable Optifast scale, my weight is actually 311 instead of 308. Updated numbers therefore are:

Week 1 334.5 16.5 pounds lost 318
Week 2 318 6.9 pounds lost 311.1

So, the goal to break 300 pounds becomes a little bit longer- maybe three weeks instead of two weeks from now? It's been forever since I've been under the 300 mark. I've been at this current weight before- maybe a couple years ago when I was in my heavy workout phase. But it took me months of working out to achieve what two weeks in Optifast has gotten me. No real cause to complain so far, right?

In group, we got slightly into the touchy feely zone- with talk of a safe place and directed flow of consciousness writing. Touchy feely is not really my thing. I mean I'm great at listening to other people's problems and counseling them, but the reverse isn't my norm. I went through most of fight with cancer without telling anyone outside of my parents and my brother. Even now, 15 years later, there are probably close friends of mine that have no idea. It's not so much that I mind sharing my feelings or thoughts with other people- but I don't often do this.

So group is somewhat interesting in encouraging me to spend an hour or so with my feelings. This hour had me exploring the contrast between the somewhat shy and lonely child that I was with the adult that I became who is fairly outgoing and only rarely shy. How did the bookworm become the student politician and then the trial attorney? And what, if anything does this have to do with my gaining weight in my 30's? Dunno...

I doubt the answer to my weight gain has anything to do with my childhood, but I can see the importance of figuring out why I ate so much in my thirties. Maybe it's a way of dealing with the stresses of the job? I guess I've got a lot of time to think about this in the coming months on Optifast.

I weighed in this morning at the gym- it's not official, but it looks like I've lost another 10 pounds in the 2nd week. This would put me at:

Week 1 234.5 16.5 pounds lost 218
Week 2 218 10 pounds lost 208

Not too shabby a start, but of course I'm nowhere near slim. Over the weekend I went to Seattle and the seatbelts barely fit on the Delta airlines (score another point for Southwest). On the flight back, the person I was going to sit next to, looked up with dread when he saw me sitting down. What can I say, I'm working on it...



In case you are curious, this picture above is of underground Seattle. A city under a city. Kind of...

Day 9 Optifast

Day 9 of the Optifast diet. So far, so good. I lost 16.5 pounds at the weigh in on Day 7, so I'm feeling pretty good about that. I still get the urge to eat, but I find if I take my shakes on time that I don't really get hungry. Energy level is good and clothes are already fitting me that previously didn't fit. For instance, today I'm wearing my Rays jersey and it's actually a little bit loose.

Starting Weight 334.5
Week 1 Weight 318.0.

Let's see what week two brings...

.

It's now day five on the Optifast diet. (The picture is from Day 3- My nephew's wedding. As you may have guessed, I'm the larger one!) So far, so good. Day One was the worst- but wasn't really too bad, I was just fairly hungry throughout the day. Since then, I've only felt hungry about the time when I was due for another shake. On days two and three, I did get some abdominal pains- kind of a stitch in the side. It's been fairly smooth sailing since then.

The toughest part has been watching other people eat. For instance, at my nephew's wedding, I had to sit and watch the people on either side of me pick from a dozen trays of Spanish tapas. So far, I've been able to handle this well. But it has been only five days. Maybe 20 days from now, I'll breakdown and attack someone's french fries. I hope not...

I put on a shirt today that was too tight for me to wear before. This makes me think that maybe I'm going to weigh in Thursday with a weight loss of over 10 pounds. I'm hoping for 20 pounds, like this blogger "Optifast Loser" registered in his first weigh in, but seriously I'm already happy with how this diet is going.

Of course, many of the urges to eat are still there. Leaving Court today, I saw the 7-11 and thought about how I often hit the place for an after court snack. Later, I passed by a tamale place that I had also hit! Strange to think that if I'm successful, my next tamale is 6 months away. This really is a vacation from food. Maybe vacation is not the right word. An incarceration from food?

Day two on optifast was much better than day one. I only felt hungry when it was about time for a shake. I did get stomach cramps twice: kind of felt like that stitch in your side. That you get when you are jogging. Admittedly, it had been awhile since I've been jogging!

The first day on Optifast

I had my first shake last night after the meeting at about 9:30 PM. What can I say about the taste? Imagine the best milkshake that you've ever had. Can you taste it? Now imagine taking a teaspoon from that milkshake and mixing it with 28 ounces of water.. That's the optifast shake- kind of bland. Nothing really offensive about the taste, but really not much taste there. But it doesn't really matter much to me. I'm seeing the shakes as being just medicine. Something that I have to take every three hours or so. I had a shake at 6am, another one at 9am today. It's now 11am and I'm starting to get hungry. I'd rate my hunger at about a 6 on a ten point scale. I understand it's going to get worse. The guy from my group that was successful in losing 100 pounds said that the first 3 or 4 days are hell! Let's see...

I'm at the morning of the day when I get my optifast product and as you can see from the picture above, my belly is rebelling at the thought of a diet! This last week has been a number of meals where I think to myself that this will be the last time in 6 months that I eat this particular item (Fillipis pizza, for instance). Now, it's time to get serious about things. Soon, there really won't be anything else to eat. And, if reading other blogs is any guide, I'll have about 3 days of extreme hunger before my body gets used to getting energy directly from my fat stores. The process is called Ketosis. It sounds almost like psuedo-science to me, but this Kaiser program has a number of successes. If another man can successfully lose weight, then I can also. I have to believe this.

OPTIFAST- A NEW COMMITMENT TO BECOME HALF THE MAN I AM

I'm the "healthy sized" lawyer in the pic. The picture has me making my vows to serve as a board of director for my local bar association. This post is my commitment to loss weight through the optifast program. I wasn't always heavy. It's just been the last decade or so of my life. Optifast will be the first diet plan that I sign up for and it requires basically 20 weeks of no food other than 400 calories of shakes that they give you. It's taken awhile for me to start the program- several meetings with blood work, EKG, etc.. But my first day on the diet should be May 1st. I plan to document my experience in this blog- both the good and the bad!