Picture the scene. Successful young defense attorney retires to a cafe after court. His polished black dress shoes reflect the light through the window as he rests them on a chair. His black suit contrasts with a french blue shirt with white cuffs and collar. A silk tie in a slightly difference shade of blue is held in place by a sterling silver tie clip. Everything seems perfectly in order.
But, looking closely, you would notice a few details that reveal the real story here. A certain fraying of the silk tie. A missing cuff link. The black hair is curling beyond the power of gel to contain it. The eyes are narrow and bloodshot. And the easy smile seems slightly feral.
You'd see stress below the surface, which is the story of my life nowdays.
My life is stressful simply because other people's futures depend on me. On my courtroom performances. My average client is either facing incarceration or deportation. Usually I can help them by pulling a rabbit out of a hat. Sometimes, i just can't. Yesterday, I lost a case by the thinest of margins and my client's life in this country was ended. As I consoled his crying wife, I didn't second guess myself- not exactly- I knew I'd done all that I could. But, I still felt guilty for not having been able to do more than I could. For not being able to have one of those moments of incredible clarity- where you can do no wrong in the Courtroom. Where your arguments ring through and the judge follows your reasoning- even when you're wrong.
It takes me a couple days after a loss to be able to function well. By Monday, I'll be ready to take on the next case. This time I'll win.
But, what do I have to say on this blog? I don't know yet. let me get back to you on that.
About Me
- Estolano in San Diego
- chula vista, California
- Random thoughts, some of them funny, from a San Diego divorce and criminal defense attorney, as he fights for his clients in Court, fights the battle of bulge and goes through life.
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