My friend, the alleged murderer. Part I.

As an criminal defense attorney, I've talked to many, many people through the glass at a jail or prison. It's never a comfortable experience. There's something about being incarcerated that really brings out the desperation in many people. Some people are driven to the edge of tears, others to the edge of a powerless anger.

They look to me to bring them back to where they should be. To help them find the peace and the hope in their predictaments. To find a solution. Often, I can help them. Sometimes, the evidence against them is too strong or their hopes are too high- but usually I can find a way to pull a rabbit out of a hat for a client. Over the years I've been good at helping strangers stuck in the criminal justice system.

I've found it's a lot different when the face staring back at me is a friend.

Recently, I've gone twice to visit a friend of mine in jail. The dynamic is completely different. My friend, Eddie D., is charged with murder and I can't help him. He looks at me with eyes that are despondent and I can offer him only some shades of emotional support. I find myself angry at him for getting himself in this situation- for having talked to the police before calling me. For having done what he did. For making me feel like the powerless one.

The sad truth is that Eddie's family can't afford me- even at a drastically reduced rate- and I can't afford to work a murder case for nothing- as much as I wish that I could.

The sad truth is that his defense comes down to simple economics. He's friends with a criminal defense attorney, but will be represented by the public defender.

It's taking me a lot to get my head around this.

More later.