Cooking with Hitler- Part II

I returned from court on Wednesday to find an family email from my brother Carlos, aka Hitler. My brother was nicknamed Hitler by my childhood friends partly because he used to beat us up in order to play our video games. And while time has made Hitler much smaller than me, it has done little to mellow him.

"We will wait, first, for Ray to show up, and secondly, if he brings any ribs to enjoy them…" wrote Hitler. "I will make/bring enough chicken for us all in the event Ray runs out of time to get the spare ribs…" I could almost feel the lecture coming through the email- the youngest brother who is always missing family poker night, family dinner night, family bowling Sunday....might now leave his father without ribs!!!

Admittedly, I had been somewhat remiss in my family dinner obligations what with my absence during my jury trial. My past contributions, while tasty, had been courtesty of El Rancho Restaurant and the like. The last time I had cooked for the family had been... well, let's just say a little while.

So, I prepared early this time around. I marinated a couple racks each of pork and beef ribs. It's a simple marinade- some citrus juice, brown sugar and red chili form the base of my marinade with other spices added to taste. I stuff the ribs into a small plastic trash bag with the marinade and leave it overnight in the fridge.

I made a practice run of ribs and tri-tip in the morning for my house and left everything ready to cook after getting out of work.

Unfortunately, I didn't get out of work until close to 6pm. I rushed home, fired up the Orion, added some more rub to the ribs, tequilla to the cooker and beer to the chef. Then I ignored most of the phone calls that began arriving at around 7pm.

Hitler: "Are you planning on coming today or tomorrow?"

Mayra: "You know, we are kind of hungry and all there is this chicken Milanesa that Hitler made..."

My mother: This call I answered. She wanted to know how long it would take me to show up. I told it'd be another twenty minutes.

At 8:15 PM, I walked into my parent's house carrying 2 racks of pork ribs, 2 racks of beef ribs, and a selection of barbecue sauce.

Better late than never, right? I walked into my fair share of lectures, but once the family was eating all was forgiven. Hitler even gave me his recipe for chicken Milanesa- superthin chicken breast dipped in egg and breaded with a fancier version of shake and bake, then you fry it beyond recognition!

All in all, a good night at the family dinner.

The YMCA weight loss team and 24 suicides

This past Friday, the two teams in the weight loss competition got together for a challenge worthy of the Biggest Loser Show itself. We were assembled and told we were to be taken to room MP1.

"Multi Pizza Room," wondered Pamela. If only... We were taken to a room near the front of YMCA with multiple traffic cones assembled in a line.

"Run to the second cone, touch the ground, then run back to the first cone, touch the ground, then onto the second cone and so on...." instructed Carlos. "Once you are finished with the suicides, do ten squats."

The winner of the competition was to be the team that (1) remained standing when the time ran out and (2) completed the most cycles.

It was an exercise seemingly designed to be difficult for the overweight. Balance does not come easy when you are carrying a extra hundred pounds! Every time I ran and touched the floor, the momentum of my body almost made the rest of me hit the floor as well. And the squats made my legs feel like jelly.

But, not wanting to let down my team, I persevered and gave it my all. And when the bell rang ending the event, I was on my feet for at least a minute or two...

"27 suicides for the Transformers. 24 suicides for the Super Frogs." announced Carlos.

My team had lost. But as we walked out of the MP1 room, I glanced at the wall mirror. If I squinted just right, I could see a skinnier me.

Just a matter of time...