Cats

My home, my castle, has been overrun by two new residents- a couple of crazy kittens from an animal rescue organization. They’ve turned the house upside down, breaking vases, spilling flowers and attempting to claw my wife’s beautiful sofas. Yet, they are adored by even my wife’s normally taciturn sister. She is normally quiet, but the other day I heard her animatedly chatting.

“Oh..little kitties. Do you want to go outside? Would you like some food?” I think the cats have a new servant…

My wife and I think that the cats may have been scarves in a past life, because they love to sleep wrapped around our necks. Sometimes I think they were slippers, because I wake up with them on my feet. The other day one of the slippers bit my big toe! When I asked him what the deal was, he looked at me with an innocent, but blank stare. “Meow?”

Needless to say, they've won a place in both of our hearts. The fancy interior decor now includes a tall cat scratching stand and the carpet is littered with cat toys. Their favorite toy? It was the box that the scratching stand came in!

We haven't decided what to name the cats, though the name "loco" comes to mind for the grey cat, who spends much of his time randomly running up and down the stairs. The cat version of a stairmaster? The black cat I wanted to name after my friend Serna because he's both small and sneaky, but the wife likes the name "Blackie", which I guess describes his jet black appearance. When it's dark, you can only see a pair of eyes and hear the purring of the little cat. Moments later..he attacks your big toe!

Blackie and Loco. The two new kings of the castle.

A happy life

I was in Court the other day and the topic of depression came up. Opposing counsel, scoffing at my client's claims, said the following:

"Depression? I've been depressed for decades. Keep a bottle of pills in my suitcase." He had a smirk on his face, but his eyes avoided mine.

"You may need them after this case," I said in the spur of the moment. Then I went on to argue why my client deserved everything she was asking for.

Later on the words came back to me and a I reflected on how...well, how sad it is to be depressed for decades. It embarrassed me to think that I'll treat myself to a good lunch or a movie after a bad morning. I don't know how I'd react after a bad decade!

An ex-girlfriend used to say that I woke up every morning and thanked God that I was still me. She didn't exactly mean it as a compliment, but I do feel somewhat lucky to have the people that I do in my life.

If you know me, one of the things that you notice almost right away is how often I am smiling or laughing.

I do my best to enjoy my life and it saddens me to know that there are many people out there who can't, or for whatever reason, won't pursue their happiness with the same passion.

What's the secret to happiness? I think it's simply to find the things that you enjoy and to fill your life with them. Each day is filled with at least 16 waking hours- make sure that these hours are filled with people that you like and, to the extent possible, activities that you like. (Caveat: if you like hitting smiley lawyers in the gut, please don't!)

Don't let other people's standards apply to you. I have a very good friend that is happy driving the bus and watching tv. It's almost impossible to get him out of his routine.

As for me, I enjoy waking up to practice law. I enjoy being in Court and doing my best to solve what are usually the most important crisis in my client's lives (a divorce, an arrest...). I love the fact that I can work with my wife and I've surrounded myself with staff that I enjoy being around. Outside of work, I have a relatively close family and friends that have been close for so long that they are practically family.

How can you be happy (if you're not)? Thinking back to the times, events, people and activities that make you happy is a good start. As humans, we're not that complicated. If your favorite thing is riding your bike, do it as often as you can.

If you want a further tip, may I suggest doing something to make someone else happy. Sometimes helping others really is helping ourselves.

** afterthought ** I regret to say that I probably added to the depressed lawyer's bad decade- he didn't do well in Court. However, I did leave the Courtroom smiling...

Swimming through mud

Sometimes life feels like you are swimming though mud. Nothing comes easy. You’re tired. Your body is sore and eyelids are drowsy for lack of sleep. When you’re in a funk like this, there are only two ways that I think you can go. One, you can withdraw from the game for a while, take a day off or catch a movie. Catch your breath and come back when you feel more energized. The second way to go is to keep swimming through the mud until you come out on the other side. Go through the motions with as much energy as you can muster, knowing that you’ll eventually have more energy and that the going will get easier.
At least, that’s how I feel this week as I work my way through some difficult moments at work. I can’t stop working to take too much of a breath, because the work is important. These moments are too important to take too much time off to reflect.

Smelling the Roses!

As I write this, I am stuck in the San Jose Airport- trying with difficulty to not make eye contact with anyone. I’ve found that San Jose-ians (Jose-ites?) are excessively friendly, making it impossible to eat lunch alone, keep a mean demeanor in criminal court as an out of town hired gun and, yes, blog in quiet. I was so taken by the San Jose-ffians, that I came back to airport immediately after court and tried to make the 4:30 flight back to San Diego. Okay, I mostly wanted to make the flight to try to make a meeting with other defense attorneys back in San Diego. I told myself that I didn’t have time to smell the roses here in crazy-ville.

It struck me that I was a little like my parents in this attitude. My cousin Mayra and I used to complain that my parents wouldn’t take time out of business trips to take us sightseeing. Every summer, until I and then Mayra went to college, we used to drive with my parents from San Diego to Wisconsin to sell merchandise at the Wisconsin State Fair. We’d pass a few miles from the Grand Canyon on the way, but in over a decade of going to the fair we never stopped.

“It’s a hole in the ground,” said my father when he even acknowledged our demands. In truth, he wasn’t completely wrong about this, I thought when I went to see the Grand Canyon years later as an adult with my wife.

“Just beautiful, isn’t it?” She said

“Umm….”

So, I thought to myself as I drove back to the airport, Was I following in my parent’s footsteps? Would I have been better served calling up one of my friends in the Bay Area (or maybe my nephew in Santa Cruz) and making the most of my trip? At this moment, I could be enjoying a clam chowder in a bread bowl instead of my airport Jamba Juice (though it is “peach pleasure”!).

Then I think that the important thing about San Jose is that I had business here- I started the process of defending a client from her charges and I brought important business to my year and a half old firm.

There’s a time and place for everything, right? After all, the prettiest thing about the Grand Canyon wasn’t it’s majestic depth, but the lady next to me.

The times that I helped my parents at the state fairs, likewise, aren’t memorable for the sights that we saw or didn’t see, but because it was time spent with family.

So, the heck with San Jose! Southwest, hurry up and take me home!

A quick thought on weight loss

45 pounds lost and counting! But now that I’ve lost some weight, you think that I would feel a sense of accomplishment, inner peace, zen goodiness or something. To an extent, I do. I’m happy to be taking half the diabetes medicine that I was previously. I’m also happy that my clothes fit more loosely, though I’m not happy remembering a close wardrobe malfunction in court due to the loose fitting pants. It’s hard to argue while holding your pants up, but I think few people might listen to an attorney in underwear…

No, I realize that I should be happy. But, what frustrates me at times is the serene Buddha like chubby face in the mirror. It’s maddening to think that after losing 45 pounds, I still have 95 pounds to go if I want to return to my college weight. It’s almost enough to make one stop eating cheeseburgers…

Mingling

I come from a relatively antisocial family. My wife says that I was never taught to say hello or goodbye. I’m probably not what you would characterize as shy, but outside of work I’m comfortable keeping to myself. On our honeymoon cruise, when everyone went around introducing themselves, I initially said that I was declining to answer questions on the advice of counsel. But then my wife elbowed me and I loosened up a bit.

In truth, I’m completely comfortable on my own, engrossed in a book or in my work. In elementary school, I was the world’s biggest nerd in that I spent many recesses reading in some corner of the playground. I was also the world’s biggest nerd in that I was almost 6 feet tall by sixth grade. Needless to say I was never bullied…until meeting above mentioned wife.

“Be friendly to people,” she said as we walked into the party. I tried on a TV anchor smile and got elbowed yet again. I thought about hugging the first person I was introduced to, a lovely lady in an evening dress, but my ribs were still hurting…

The party was actually filled with interesting people, about half of them dressed with jeans, big belt buckles and boots. The men were also dressed fairly well… All in all, it was a typical party in Tijuana, a mix of city and rural people. There were apple martinis and carnitas tacos. I was dressed in a guayabera shirt, slacks, shiny black oxford shoes and looked the part of either a tourist or a Cuban landowner.

I tried my best to engage people in conversation. I talked to my tablemates. “You know, I never can find cowboy boots that go with my suits…” I joked around with the waiter who was supplying the never ending drinks. And I drank a good number of fruity martini’s- making the round of apple, coconut, melon, tamarindo and other assorted flavors that no self respecting macho man would be caught dead drinking. I say no self respecting macho man drinks fruity drinks.

Okay, I'll admit, they were delicious!

They say alcohol makes you more sociable. In my case, it doesn’t exactly work this way. I do talk more to people, but sometimes it’s just to indulge a childish sense of humor.

I took a picture with a heavy set guy, explaining to my wife later that I wanted to post the picture on facebook so that people would think I lost weight. I then commented to a guy with tattoos running up and down his arm that I liked to use the same font when drafting legal pleadings.

You’d think at some point that people would get annoyed by the antics, but everyone was in a fruity martini mood. Even I listened patiently as I listened to people’s attorney jokes.

Maybe alcohol does make mingling easier. I’ll have to do some research on this… Hopefully the wife won't mind.

The LOOK!

I’m treading on shaky ground with my wife. There’s a party for one of her friends this weekend and I’ve been warned in no uncertain terms to be friendly to the friend’s husband.

“Don’t give him the look,” she says.

I chuckle and plead ignorance, but I know what she’s talking about. Those of you who know me well probably have trouble picturing me being mean to anyone. At the height of my boxing prowess, when I was knocking out other amateur heavyweights, a female friend told me that I looked like a big skinny teddy bear. The years have taken care of the skinny part…, but something of the teddy bear image remains. Even my friend Louie, who has known me since the college days, says that he can’t quite picture me mad.

Still, there are times, when the teddy bear turns into a little bit of a grizzly bear. This is when the look comes into play. What is the Look? It’s something that goes back to the primitive side of male machismo, common in the streets and assorted correctional facilities of our community. It’s simple in action, just a direct, narrow stare that you hold for longer than normal. If done correctly, it signals to the other guy that he’s in danger of physical harm if he keeps…say…eating all the nachos. If done incorrectly, it might result in an unwanted date..

I find that the look is an old bear’s way of dealing with problems. Where before I might have had to take some action, now I find that just a general warning is enough. Especially if you are dealing with a guy much smaller than you! I gave the friend’s husband a warning with a look when he tried to take the seat next to my wife. In younger days, I might have thrown him out of the seat.

At least that’s what I tell my wife when I defend my behavior: “Hey, at least, I saved the guy some hospital bills!” My wife just rolls her eyes and looks at me.

Now that’s an intimidating Look!